Lost and Found Chapter 5: Creating Freedom

Hi All,

So the fifth and final song from my five month long project, Lost and Found touches on a topic that I believe to be very essential in cultivating peace in our lives: creating freedom. Personal freedom can be extremely relative. It truly depends on what one equates happiness to be.

I can only speak for myself. My interpretation of freedom is synonymous with serenity and happiness. Personal freedom in my own life is derived from letting go of past experiences, learning from my mistakes, loving myself and in turn loving others. The clarity of truly being present in the moment and expressing gratitude daily. These loving practices become innate with dedication and conscious, applied effort.

Letting go of past experiences can be difficult. When someone has wronged us, letting that hurt go can at times feel like we are excusing the poor behavior that we dealt with. But why would we want to hold onto pain? Holding onto pain is choosing to play the victim and that is a role that once habitually taken can become an excuse for how we approach life and treat others. Well, I've been hurt, people aren't shit... so I'm going to be selfish and only look out for myself.

I'm not a proponent for the victim mentality. You can choose to let past wounds craft your future or you can choose to live in the current moment, open your mind to new possibilities and make room in your heart for peace. You have no control over others' actions; you only have control over how you react to them. And there is simply no excuse to treat people poorly. All you do when you act in a selfish manner is block your blessings. If blessings move through an energy created funnel...you truly shut that funnel down. You rack up a karmic bill that you have to pay back.

It hurts to forgive sometimes, but there is strength in not allowing someone else's pain to become internalized. The facts of the matter are that hurt people hurt people. Recognizing this fact makes it easier not to take things personally and understand that people really are doing the best they can. Even when their best is really subpar. I always say that people utilize the emotional tools they have access to. Sometimes those tools are faulty and limited. Deciding to lead by example and not feed into poor behavior is truly the best way to not take in negative energy or harbor resentment. There is true strength in being objective and granting forgiveness.

Learning from past mistakes is closely tied to letting go of past experiences. Serenity begs us to realize that everything happens for a reason. We are always exactly where we are supposed to be at any given time. Ego claws at us to understand every single thing as it's happening, but serenity is humble and knows that we have to let go of that need for control. There are lessons to be learned daily; normally it is in the situations in which we are most unhappy or confused that we are provided with the biggest lessons and opportunities for growth.

There is a very popular saying: Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. When we say we want something, are we actually ready for what we are calling into our space? The universe tests us to see if we are in a position to appreciate what we are seeking. If we do not take heed to the tests that the universe sends us, we will continue to be tried. So rather than seek distractions and ignore opportunities for knowledge, we must learn to be still in the moment that we are in. Once the situation has passed I feel we can look back objectively and discover what we need to evolve moving forward.

Growing and elevating to a higher plane of awareness is truly something to be grateful for. It deepens our love for self. Subsequently, when we become an embodiment of love we are able to love others more fully. It radiates from within us and attracts similar energy into our space.

The road to self love is not easy. It requires sticking to your guns, not becoming defeated by life's lessons but truly understanding that in order to become the most beautiful version of one's self you must be tested. When life starts throwing me curve balls, when I feel stuck...I know I am supposed to stop and pay attention to what I am feeling. I know that it is a time for growth, for a deeper understanding and love of myself.

Ego’s function is to keep us feeling “protected” and the defenses we create can quickly become a cage rather than a safe haven. It tries to fight any discomfort and blocks self-love. It does not want to see the lesson; it only wants to be "safe" and at ease. Ego is serenity's enemy. It does not relax, it does not see the bigger picture. It sees what it wants in the immediate moment rather than what it needs.

The universe is love and it calls us to embrace our beautiful place in the grand scheme. I believe that in order for our self love to be unwavering, ego has to be let go of. I struggle with this daily. However, I know I want freedom; so I dust myself off daily and keep working at it. As I grow, the inner work is less of action and more of simply letting go and embracing the complexity of the human experience with grace, understanding and acceptance.

I am grateful. Everyday is a promise of possibility. A chance to become more free. With each hurdle, we have the chance to expand into a better version of ourselves. We have the opportunity to loosen the reigns of ego and let life flow. We can choose to allow ourselves to gravitate to what enriches us. When faced with challenges, we are grounded in the loving certainty that they will strengthen us. We can beckon the positive and not become defeated by negative situations. It’s all for our greater good. It’s all for our freedom. Life is what you make it and I hope you choose to be free.

Love,

Allison

Lost and Found Chapter 4: Struggles with Love

Hi!

For those reading this you may already know: I have been releasing a five month project, Lost & Found, based upon lessons I've learned throughout 2016. Each song is coupled with a blog post to further explain my experiences that inspire the lyrics. This post is expanding upon my latest track, Never Enough. Its subject matter: love. 

I'll be honest, this particular post has proved to be the most challenging to write thus far. I have come back to it a million times, trying to decide exactly how to put into words my experiences dealing with dating and love. Sadly, dating is not my strong suit. Never has been. Never Enough was written about two people in love. They are best friends, they have each other's backs, they uplift each other, etc.

Never Enough is the one song on the project with subject matter that I have not experienced first hand. It sounds somewhat sad to say and read aloud as I am typing this. Thankfully, I am not bitter. I firmly believe that when we have a goal, we do not achieve it until we are ready. I do not feel we eventually find love. I feel that love eventually finds us. I think this happens once we have taken the time to love ourselves (MAJOR KEY).

In my own life, a lot of scenarios wore the mask of love but were not the real thing. This is no one's fault. I write none of this to play the victim. We all do the best we can with the emotional resources we have available to us at the time. It has not been until the last two years or less that I've truly taken the time to love myself. So many of the connections I've engaged in and have witnessed are based in practices that are not loving.

The first imposter is dependency on someone else for happiness. I would look to others to fill the void in my life. I would look to others to make me feel happy because I was unwilling to take the time to love myself. Our happiness is no one's responsibility other than our own. When we search to find our happiness externally, we put unrealistic expectations and demands on people. We are viewing situations from a shattered lens; a lens not of love but of desperation. When we do not take the time to discover what genuinely makes us happy for ourselves, we settle for much less than we deserve because we simply have no clue that we truly deserve more.

When our love of self is not present, we cannot act with emotional clarity. We move from a vantage point of pain. We then make decisions motivated by fear and not by love. I think for many of us, this fear is the fear of being alone. Erykah Badu (love her) said that fear and love cannot reside in the same space. While I do not think fear ever goes away fully in any arena; I do think that when we have true love of self we realize that navigating through that fear is worth the risk because the reward is so great. We have to sacrifice momentary uncertainty and take a chance. We have to run the risk of failure in order to achieve. There is absolutely no way around this.

I have never been afraid to be alone. I do not really get lonely. Frankly, it's possible that I have become so used to being by myself that I simply do not notice it anymore. I am grateful for the love of my family and friends; I have told myself numerous times that their love is enough for now. I do not notice my romantic solitude until I come across someone that sparks my interest. Then I just start floundering miserably! I think a lot of the dating advice we get these days is all ego driven. Don't text first, don't be too pressed, make him/her do this, he/she's going to do this, blah blah effing blah! All of these silly things are just ways to protect our ego. And whoever cracks first has the least control right? This is complete bullshit.

If Erykah Badu meant fear as in ego, then that's the realest statement ever spoken. If I may expand upon her wise words, EGO and LOVE cannot reside in the same space. We live in an age where we are incredibly entitled (all ego). Communication (I guess we can call it that) is so accessible that we feel we are owed everything. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, texts, etc. People are perceived to be attached to their phones. So we expect a response and conversation exactly when we want it. How egotistical is that? No regard for whether the other person is busy, going through something, or just not in a chatty mood. How spoiled is it to just assume that we become a priority in someone's life immediately, as if their life was not already moving before we popped on the scene?

I found this so draining and daunting I honestly just stopped trying for awhile. Why do I have to follow some ridiculous rules? Why does it have to be this difficult? It's difficult because our egos make it difficult. Ego says you are owed exactly what you want when you want it. This is childish, unrealistic and not soil from which love can bloom. What happened to just being one's self? Look....I just want to be the best version of me and I'll attract someone that is the same. I just want to be myself damnit. I do not think it's more difficult than that. We have to get this idea out of our heads of what love is "supposed" to be. I highly doubt counting dates, text messages and Instagram likes is the equation to true companionship (God... is this what we've become lol).

I can only speak for myself. Everyone has different needs. Yet I do believe one thing we all need is empathy. This is where all these silly rules really irritate me. At what point do we take a moment to factor in what someone else may be feeling? Like I stated earlier, we act in the best way we know how with the emotional tools we have. Rather than assuming one thing or the other about someone, why do not we not try to understand that person? That's where that little monster called ego comes into play.

Ego avoids potential rejection at all costs. It cannot bare to feel undesired. It runs at the first sign of discomfort and uncertainty. It's fear in its true form! I'm a Leo; we are notoriously known for our egos and I will say firsthand that harnessing my ego has been the hardest thing I've done in my life! It's affected my communication skills, my perception of how love should be. If I was not being instantly gratified in a way that stroked my ego (soothed my fear), to hell with that person! Let me tell you life humbled me. Boy, did it humble me. Several times until it clicked for me. Life will keep sending you the same lesson until you learn.

Hence the reason why I am not bitter. I've been sent tests. I've learned lessons. I am grateful for the growth. I've learned that love will never be all about me me me. No matter what is fed to us in these memes on IG; love is we. You cannot have a "we" with a "me" mentality. Period. Love is deeper than the amount of dates, how much money is spent, how many texts you receive and all the silly things that do not amount to a hill of beans in the grand scheme of things. Love is not a battle of wills; it's a surrender. Love is a sacrifice of ego by way of vulnerability. How can we use such minuscule things to measure such a deep emotion? It makes absolutely ZERO sense. To say it aloud really sounds insane!

Real love begins with love of self. They say God or the Universe is Love. Not to get biblical, but God is believed to reside in our souls. So if we do not take the time to get to know the love that we were created to embody, we will forever flounder. In essence we are seeking something we already have and it's been buried by past experiences, hurt, ego, unrealistic expectations. When we run from ourselves, when we are seek distractions to fill our voids, we are running away from our true form. Our true form being love. 

Furthermore, like attracts like. So when we are hurting we are attracting that same hurt. I had to realize I needed to stop making fear based, flighty decisions and decide to own my future and not remain a prisoner of my past. Avoiding taking the time to love myself was not going to get me any closer to it.

I refer to my parents when I need a reminder. They met during young and humble times in both their lives. They've had their hurdles. They are an interracial couple and in the 70s that had it's own set of challenges. They experienced highs, lows and everything in between.

Through it all, they believed in each other and they have both thrived. They have been married for almost 40 years and have five children. I realize they came up in a different era but what people truly need has not changed. Love, integrity, honesty, loyalty, sacrifice, humility, vulnerability, empathy. They had to commit to these practices to make it. They are what we call #relationshipgoals.

Look, I'm still single so clearly I have not mastered this area of my life. Yet this is what I've learned and I humbly share it with you all in hopes that if anyone else is feeling lost, they can find comfort in knowing we all deal with these same issues. We have to stop chasing situations that are not for us thinking our happiness can be found there. We have to stop settling because we think our ship has sailed. We cannot move towards love shackled by the stagnancy of fear. It is the courage of vulnerability that emancipates us.

When I wrote Never Enough, it became my illustration of how I envisioned true love to be. Sending you all love today.

Love,

Allison

Lost and Found Chapter 3: Struggles with Being Emotional

Hi All,

The third track of my project touches on a very overwhelming subject to actually discuss: being emotional. Frankly, I am writing this post thinking where do I begin? I feel like everyone at one point in time or another has been called emotional or melodramatic. Perhaps not on a regular basis but at least in one instance. Trust me folks; I've been called both countless times.

Honestly, this is embarrassing to write but *sigh* it's true. I've been known to pop off. I get hype. I do not back down. I fight for what I feel is right. On the flip side of this; I am sensitive. I'm moved by things daily. I'm nostalgic. I fall hard. I love deeply. My feelings can and do get hurt.

The contrast of my emotions can be a lot for me to handle. With that being said, I am sure it has been a lot for my romantic partners as well. I can break this down into three factors that I feel are the root of my emotional behavior. A: I'm sensitive. B: I am very black & white in my relationships. C: I have a fragile ego in romantic scenarios. I will further explain.

Example A: I am very sensitive. I cry at movies, touching moments, sweet sentiment, thoughtfulness. I am very understanding and I think it stems from being sensitive to the people and situations around me. I perceive sensitivity as a positive trait, but when I take things to heart when I shouldn't it can quickly become a negative. We live in an age where it seems that showing any type of emotion is deemed as undesirable or weak. Real talk, that is an ego based thought process.

Causes B and C of my emotional struggles are stemmed in ego. Why? Let's get into cause B: being black & white in my relationships. That is totally ego. Ego needs to be control. It cannot go with the flow and objectively look at situations as they naturally evolve. Ego needs things to be all or nothing; no understanding of the need for grey area to strengthen our trust and bonds. Ego wants to avoid any kind of vulnerability or embarrassment.

I've rushed things to one extreme or the other. Either we are all in, super "in love" or all out ie. not speaking. That's when I get called emotional. Those are two very opposite ends of the "emotional" spectrum. But let's be real. That's not true emotion. It's EGO. I guess without realizing it, knowing exactly where I stood in a relationship allowed me to know exactly how to move.

The alternative in my mind was that any uncertainty could potentially hurt my fragile ego and I simply could not relax. To take my ego out of it would mean to be present in each moment, flow through the grey areas and just enjoy the ride.

Thankfully, now I feel that is the best way to move through most things; just going with the flow. When we meet someone new that excites us, we have to understand that we basically have to catch a wave in their lives'. Our lives are a sea of moving parts and experiences, all we can truly do is go with the flow when entering someone else's world and enjoy each moment for as long as that lasts.

Ego wants to avoid perceived hurt at all costs and needs concrete answers for everything. Nobody's life is black and white. We are streams of fluidity in terms of our growth, past experiences and desires. Getting mad because something doesn't go in a crystal clear fashion at all times is unrealistic and that's negatively emotional. No bueno.

Now, cause C. : My fragile ego in relationships. Listen, I can handle opposition in just about every aspect of my life and bounce right back. Lord- but don't let it come from someone I'm falling for. I get mad. I get hurt. I sometimes pop off. I know I am not alone in this behavior. More often than not, our actual feelings are not hurt. It's our egos.

A potential feeling of rejection is something an ego isn’t designed to handle with grace. So we make stupid points about petty matters, we see revenge, we make them jealous, we jump to conclusions rather than asking (asking seems as though you care, ego can't care), etc. the list could go on forever.

It is the epitome of childish. I cannot stress enough that when we act super emotional, nine times out of ten it is all ego. It is based in a fear of being assed out, being rejected, and being vulnerable. What I've learned through countless trial and error: YOU CAN NEVER EXPERIENCE ANY TRULY BEAUTIFUL EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS WHILE HOLDING ONTO EGO. All caps. Dramatic right? Remember I'm emotional.

We all have emotions. It's normal and wonderful. When they rear their head in an ugly way, take a step back and ask yourself: am I actually hurt? If not, it's ego. Let it go. Immerse yourself in the awesomeness of the unknown and all the exciting feelings that come along with the ride. What do people say when you get emotional? RELAX.

Love,

Allison

Lost and Found Chapter 2: Struggles with Lust

Hi Everyone,

What is lust? I highly doubt any adult reading this needs any clarification of the word. If one refers to Merriam-Webster, I believe the definition that will resonate with most of us is described as usually intense or unbridled sexual desire. This illustrates very well what lust feels like for the majority of us.

When I lust after someone, it is a very strong carnal desire to have that person physically. It can completely take hold of my body, my mind, and often times my better judgement. It is an animalistic attraction that we all possess and when I feel it I become a woman obsessed. It's as if I put common sense on the back burner and all I care about is conquering the feeling. The need I feel to gratify my desire becomes paramount; it's like an insatiable itch that has to be scratched. 

I normally encounter lust with someone I have very strong chemistry with. It's perfectly normally to desire someone you are highly attracted to in a sexual way. But when interactions go from trying to build genuine connections that include sex secondarily to flimsy associations that are predominately about sex, there becomes an imbalance. Subsequently, the journey through relationships and love becomes one of ego and conquest rather than humility and true understanding. 

I believe the reason for the imbalance is because anything that provides us with instant gratification customarily speaks to and fuels our egos. Interestingly enough, the definition of lust I referenced from Merriam-Webster is not the first definition listed. Prior to that explanation, lust is defined as pleasure, delight. I find that be very insightful, because I believe that those two words best describe the outcome of a situation that is based on lust and not love. 

Lust is about conquest. It is about feeding a desire that we do not necessarily need to feed, we want to feed it. Think about the last time you were in lust over someone. You become territorial and dominating (if the sexual connection is amazing I definitely can be), as if you own that person. You will put up with incompatibilities just to keep getting that high, to keep feeding that inner monster, and sometimes just to keep that person from doing it with anyone else. Seriously, how many times have you had NOTHING in common with the other individual on any other level other than sex?

In actuality, lust without love is just a distraction. Anything that pulls us away from what it is that we truly want is ALWAYS a distraction. Lust provides temporary consolation for the deep seated yearning that every person has for love. It feels good to be physically close to another, to kiss and feel someone on such a personal level. Lust is mistaken for love constantly; hence we have the phrase catching feelings. Of course people catch feelings, sex was designed to unite souls not just our bodies. 

Like anything that feels good in the moment, it is providing pleasure; not happiness. We fool ourselves into thinking that lust is truly fulfilling us, but it is not. On a superficial and surface level it may feel great. Yet how long does that feeling last? Is it a feeling that provides longevity, comfort and security? Can you call this person and confide in them all your deepest secrets? In an emergency? Or is the connection more like trying to stay at a certain level of physical intoxication, that once it wears off you're reminded that you are indeed still without the real thing, without love. The connection is based off of nothing other than a physical gratification that quickly wears off after the sex has ended.

I think lust coupled with genuine love is amazing. It then becomes an expression of a much deeper feeling that is grounded in trust and sacrifice; I sacrifice my vulnerability and heart to another and he does that for me.  Yet lust in lieu of love causes confusion, heightened ego and insecurity. We allow someone to access us at our most vulnerable, personal level without the blessing of a genuine connection. How can we let someone touch us so intimately when his or her interest in us is truly for physical gratification and the fleeting stroking of one's ego? This causes the confusion. We are seeking to fill a void, a band-aid to soothe us until the real thing comes along. 

Here it comes. That deeply unsatisfied feeling. We are laying next to the person that is stroking our egos and bodies for now. We know deep down in our souls we are settling. Maybe it does not feel as black and white as it seems when writing about the subject, but scenarios founded in lust or situationships do not really feed us in the way we truly crave. It's like being hungry and eating something that tastes amazing but does not give us nutrients. It subsides the surface feeling, but it does not sustain us in the way we really need. It’s allowing someone to be inside us without them ever truly being inside us.

There is a saying, "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." The energy our souls are made of is pure love and our bodies are simply the casing. So when we settle into a situationship, we are not sustaining our true selves. We are merely scratching the surface of what we genuinely need. All you need is love.

Love, 

Allison

Lost and Found Chapter 1: Running - Struggles with Self Esteem

Hello Everyone,

I think it's important to share. I think we live in an age of social media where all that we see are "highlight reels" of each other's lives. Idyllic snapshots that imply that there is something shameful in going through trials and hardships. After all, it's only through difficult times that we are strengthened and gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and of the world.

This is not very easy for me to do. Truthfully, I am scared. It's hard to stand in the face of judgement and be open about feelings and thoughts that you are embarassed about. Still, I strive daily to keep growing spiritually. I feel we are all in this together; humility and empathy are vital in cultivating a more loving community. Therefore, if my experiences are able help someone else then it is always worth it. Collectively, we have to help each other heal, grow and love. 

I decided to write and record the songs of Lost and Found for two reasons. To aid and to heal. Not just for myself but more importantly others. I felt I needed to write and sing about struggles that we all face yet often feel very alone in dealing with. The first track released from this project, Running touches on what I struggle with the most: Self-esteem.

Before I begin delving into some of my demons, I want to preface this by stating I am not looking to play the victim. We all have trials and tribulations that we face. As an adult, I believe it is my responsibility to aim at overcoming my issues as best I can and assist anyone else that may struggle with similar issues in the process. I am not looking to place blame or garner sympathy from sharing my experiences. With that caveat in place, I open up my journey to you.

I have always felt different. I can be in a large room of people and still feel very much alone. I think this may be due in part to being extremely introspective; I spend a great deal of time "in my head". Nonetheless, I have always felt like I do not truly fit into any place. It's as if I am always right on the perimeter yet never fully immersed in the majority. It is a feeling I have dealt much better with as an adult than I did as a child. Some of my first recollections of this feeling stemmed from my ethnicity.

This started at a very young age for me. Being biracial, throughout childhood and adolescence I felt I did not really belong anywhere. Not really fully Black but not White either. I've always had predominately Black friends and truthfully resonate more with my Black heritage. Yet coming up I would always feel I had to prove my Blackness. I have so many memories of being made fun of for my hair, my fair skin, my freckles, etc. My physical attributes were under constant scrutiny. So when I looked in the mirror, I did not have confidence in what I saw. 

Thankfully, as I've become an adult and exposed to more ethnically diverse groups of people; I embrace my cultural differences and do not feel self conscious about them anymore. I am tremendously proud to be both African and Slovenian American. But as a child, it was extremely detrimental to my self image; as children normally want to fit in. I can remember crying in my room; praying to God, asking Him why I could not just be one or the other. During these times of distress; I would have given anything to have an adult to run to for an uplifting word and/or encouragement. Unfortunately, that is not the type of environment I grew up in and that too played a role in my plight with self-esteem.

Frankly, there is a certain level of guilt I feel in writing these next few paragraphs. I do understand that our families are not perfect and the people we look up to in order to guide us are still learning about themselves while simultaneously trying to help us grow. Furthermore, I do not intend this to be an exposé. But facts are facts and I did not grow up in a space that I deem conducive to positive self image. 

I was raised in an extremely controlling and religiously overzealous environment. Growing up, irrational reactions were given to mistakes. There was a tremendous amount of guilt and shame attached to my mistakes; mistakes being a necessary part of learning. I carried this shame and guilt with me to the point that I constantly felt I could do nothing right. It shattered my belief in myself. It was even to the point at times that I would be afraid to even try something because that guilt manifested into extreme self-consciousness.

Sadly, these illogical and shaming reactions to mistakes were not balanced by words of encouragement. You were allowed to quit at things. You were allowed to not try. There was no guidance. I was always fed, I was always loved as best as I feel was capable, but I was never guided. I was told what I did wrong and that was it. I yearned for the type of love that exalted me and praised me. Consequently, that desire led me to seek it in places that it could never be.

So when I began dating, I found myself consistently settling for unhealthy relationships due to my negative self-image. I needed closeness, the illusion of being wanted. I would cling to situations that bore little to no resemblance to love. I did not want to be alone, especially alone with my self-deprecating thoughts. So it was easier to settle into physical relationships, or relationships in which I was granted much less respect than anyone deserves. This toxic cycle of running to escape from myself in other people continued on for a long time until I started to step back and realize why.

Interestingly enough, my most painful interpersonal relationships served as the catalyst that helped me begin to heal my damaged self-esteem. Being that I was hurting, my energy attracted other hurting individuals. I realized how many of my own issues were present in the people I gravitated towards. Subsequently, when a hurting individual would cause me emotional pain, I would realize that their actions reflected behavior that I displayed as well.

I began to wonder why I was settling for this treatment and what was internally causing me to display much of the same behavior. I thought of all the derogatory opinions I had about the men that hurt me. Then I had an epiphany: these were the same opinions I had about myself. I started to take a step back and analyze the things I told myself about myself daily. None of what I was saying to myself was positive. 

I realized this had to change. I began to become aware of how my energy would draw similar energy into my plane. Our worlds are direct reflections of what energy we carry inside of us. We must radiate love in order for it to be mirrored back. I realized that carrying pain and hurt from my past did not generate energy within me that would attract positive energy nor create more in the process.

It dawned on me that my self-esteem is cultivated through me and only me. My healthy self-esteem was my responsibility. I had to love myself despite of what was going on around me. I realized that when I mistreated others, it was because I was hurting. The detrimental experiences I went through were not worth clinging to- hurt people hurt people.

Furthermore, most hurt people do not realize they are in serious emotional pain; myself being a prime example. I was doing the best I felt I could at any given time and so I was able to begin to loosen my grip onto past experiences. I realized that anyone that wronged me was doing the best they could and it was not anything personal. And if it is not personal, why should I let it affect my view of myself?

I started to recognize that I held the power to love and heal myself. I began to tell myself positive affirmations. I would tell myself I was beautiful, talented, kind, smart, determined. Those thoughts led my actions to change. I began to carry myself like a beautiful, talented, kind, smart and determined woman. And when my actions changed, my energy changed. And when my energy changed, my world changed.  I knew that empathy toward myself was imperative; not only in forgiving myself for my mistakes but in forgiving those that I felt did not aid in boosting my confidence growing up.

It was clear that I had been running from myself in search of myself. I could not find anything external to supplement my internal. The love I pined for needed to begin with me and nothing outward should shake that divine energy that lives within me without my permission. With these lessons I continue to cultivate my love and knowledge of self. 

I am so grateful for these lessons. Not just for my own personal benefit, but for the opportunity to help heal those around me. We all want love and we all want someone to care. We can only truly love others once we love ourselves. And I choose to share my lessons and love through song. I hope that this first installment, Running proves to be as cathartic for you as it has been for me. I pray you can tap into the empathy and keep a piece for yourself. I pray you can begin to heal. Above all, I pray you know you are never alone.

I am so humbled and thankful to share this chapter of my journey with you. Blessings.

Love, 

Allison